If you're a Belieber, don't click this.

I hate Justin Bieber. I was never a "belieber" and I've wanted to punch him in the face from the moment I knew he existed.

That being said, I've been known to hum to the impressive lyrics of "Baby". (The previous sentence is a lie - none of his lyrics are impressive.) I also have "As Long As You Love Me" on the iPod. I know, I'm a disgrace to my kind - I'm sorry! Those are the only two songs of his I know. Really. I promise. Zak also makes me put lots of old school hip hop and rock on there because he thinks I'm "belittling the iPod", so that kind of makes up for it.

So I've come to to the conclusion that I hate Justin Bieber, but not because of his music. Since I actually liked the two songs of his that I have heard, I couldn't understand my hate for him. Have I become one of those people who follow the crowd? Do I hate him because almost everyone I know hates him? No! I am not a fucking follower! I refuse to follow the man! Or the media? My peers? I don't know, whatever the fuck fits.

And then I realized that I hated him as a person. And I was stunned. There's not a lot of people I hate... It's such a strong word and no one really gets put into that category easily. But I hated Justin Bieber, the man-boy, and here is why.

Justin once made a statement that Anne Frank would have been a "belieber". If that doesn't make you want to shoot him in his fun parts, I don't know what will. Really, Justin? She was a Jew during Hitler's reign! The girl had to wear a star at all times... that itself would have taken up most of her time. Coordinating outfits with a big ass yellow star isn't as easy it seems douche bag. She couldn't visit stores or restaurants, she couldn't stay out past a certain time, AND SHE HAD TO GO IN TO HIDING BECAUSE OF HER RELIGION! She was beautiful, smart, confident, talented, and brave, but she sure as hell wasn't a Belieber.

I also hate him because of his sense of style. Though there are millions of us who dislike "the Biebs", there are also a bunch of raging children who idolize him. So his celebrity status means that there are a lot of people trying to be like him. Have you seen what the fuck this dude wears? He has these pants in a ridiculous amount of different colors and prints that are so hideous, words wouldn't do them justice...

  

 
Stop trying to gouge your eyes out. Just scroll down and the burning sensation will pass in three to ten days.

And one of the other main reasons I could think of for hating Justin, is that he pissed in a mop bucket at a restaurant. That was a story that if heard, I would usually place as media exaggeration. I know that the paparazzi aren't always nice and that they're always trying to bring a playa down. I watch TMZ.  But then I actually DID WATCH TMZ, and there was the Biebs with his ass hat friends, pissing in a mop bucket. What human ever, no matter how drunk and/or high you are, pisses in a mop bucket of an establishment? Isn't there a commandment or something? "Thou shall not drain thy snake in items used for sanitary maintenance."

And then he had the nerve to fuck around with Bill Clinton. Nobody messes with Bill. I'm not in, nor have I ever been, in law enforcement of any sort, but I would jump in front of a bullet for Bill. It's Slick Willie, y'all; he was former Prez of the free nation and he is awesome. He plays the saxophone, he smokes weed, he likes blow jobs - who doesn't like a guy like that?

If I had a daughter, I would ban her from his music for that last act alone. Not really, I don't believe in banning people anything. But I would frown really, really hard.

And now, some Justin Bieber related memes and funnies for your amusement.