Santa got me Danielle Steele?

Alright, so I looked through my past few posts, and good lord, have I been depressing or what people? Let's change it up and go with something fun for a frickin change.

The holidays are coming up, and against all statistics, that's the happiest time of year for me. Religiously, I don't celebrate Christmas, but who-the-hell-cares-ly, I frickin love Christmas. Everything's brighter with the sparkle of lights, and people are so cheerful, it's contagious. Maybe companies are lacing candy canes with Xstacy, or maybe it's the ridiculous carols you hear everywhere, but there's something about Christmas that makes even the most angry people just lighten the fuck up.

I remember my best Christmas ever. I was ten and I was angry that all the other kids had stupid Rudolph sweaters on their bodies and Christmas trees in their living rooms. I went to sleep crying my little heart out. At three in the morning, my parents woke me up to the most beautiful Christmas tree decked out in lights and ornaments with the most amazing gift under the tree: books. Yes, I was the dorky kid who went bat shit crazy at the hundreds of books that were under this three foot tree. (The only reason the books were "under" the tree was because they placed the tree on the coffee table. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to see the tree at all.) My superhero of a father had gone out in the middle of the night and gotten the tree and bought BOXES of books from some second hand book shop. It was a dream come true for me. Granted many of them were way past my suggested reading list, I was pretty mature for my age and read through every single book in a month or so. Now that I think about it, getting Dannielle Steele books for your ten year old daughter is probably a no no, but knowing my father I'm guessing he just pointed and paid. He always treated me like an old soul anyway.

What's your favorite Christmas memory?

Everyone gets the blues, but I have the blahs...

I'm stuck in this rut. Neither here nor there, I feel like my life has paused. Nothing changes, nothing happens... I'm not moving toward anything. 

More than anything, I'm sad. I don't know what's making me sad. I don't know how to not feel sad anymore. 

I want change, yet I don't know what needs to be changed. At least if I knew the cause of these feelings, I could do something about changing them. But nothing has happened. Everything is the same as it always has been. Maybe that's the problem. I'm sad because nothing in my life is changing? But my life isn't so bad that it needs change. Grrr, I can't even express my feelings properly. How can I write when I don't know what I'm writing about? How do you write about emptiness? 

I feel sad, empty, unsatisfied, bored, angry, scared, insatiable, incomplete... 

I want to change my life. I want to be one of those people who gets up early, who gets in more exercise, who's accomplishing something in their career, who has a home and not a house, who can sleep throughout the night. 

Last January, I made two predictions of things I wanted to accomplish this year. Neither of them have come true. As the year ends, it's back to the drawing board...  

Bangladesh!

Hey everyone! I don't know how I stayed away for so long. Posting 'tomorrow' became next week, and a week somehow turned into months, but I'm back now! Not a lot has been going on in my life; Zak and I spent three weeks in Bangladesh, and it was amazing!

I've visited many South Asian countries and have found that each of them offer something beautiful and unique. We didn't get to explore as much as we would have liked; since I hadn't been there in over six years and Zak had never visited my dad's side of the family, everyone was keen on inviting us over for lunch or dinner. We had lunch/ dinner at someone's house every single day of our vacation. Honestly at one point, our schedules got so hectic that we had breakfast at my uncle's place, lunch at my aunt's house, and dinner at my dad's friends place in one day.Thank God the food was so yummy that we didn't really have any complaints against all that eating. :)

Here are a couple of pictures from our trip!