Restaurant Reviews – Colombo’s Latest Nom Nom Spots!

Everyone who knows me knows that I eat 50% of my meals outside. I’m such a foodie… I like to try all the latest restaurants and I’m not scared of a little spice.

This last month in particular, I’ve had a BILLION lunch dates, and they were great opportunities to try out some of the restaurants I hadn't been to.

The Manhattan Fish Market – 10/10
As soon as I walked in to this place, I loved it. The entire staff screams out a greeting at you; friendly, smiling, employees get me every time.

Zak and I, who usually never have a hard time ordering, really could not figure out what we wanted because we wanted to try everything! After a few minutes, Zak ordered the Grilled Glory Dory (Rs. 990) and I chose the Shrimp Aglio Olio (Rs. 990), but I substituted it with the creamy sauce. For drinks, I got the Tropical Breeze (Rs. 390) and Zak got the Citrus Mint (Rs. 390) – which we’d heard so much about previously.

Looking around, the décor is pretty simple and straightforward: brick layout, framed photographs, and basic furniture with a couple of sofa seats. The drinks arrived shortly – the Tropical Breeze was super tasty but the Citrus Mint was definitely the star out of the two. Made with some sort of crushed lime and mint slushee, it was amazingly fresh and tasty.

Within a few minutes, we were served the main course. Seriously ya’ll – minutes! The food was fresh off the grill, and I have no clue how they got it out to us so quickly, that also while being semi-packed, but they did… and it was heaven. The creamy sauce in the Shrimp Aglio Olio made my taste buds do the Macarena, and while I devoured a flavor-filled mouthful, I could see Zak digging into his Glory Dory. Glory Dory, indeed.

Presentation wise, mines was pretty straightforward: spaghetti and shrimp tossed in creamy sauce and placed to be demolished! Zak’s dish, which comprised a rather large slab of Dory, white rice, steamed vegetables, and a tiny sauce bowl seemed rather crowded. It took a while for Zak to even realize there was rice under the fish. We both thought that the portions were just perfect; usually we never have space for dessert, but this time we had just a bit of space to share an order of the Tuscan Tiramisu (Rs. 590). A swirl of coffee, cheese, and cocoa – it truly was the perfect ending to a perfect meal.

Our total bill came to Rs. 4,210.00 and we felt like it was totally worth it. For less than USD 40 we both got an amazing seafood meal, delicious drinks, and a mouthwatering desert. That being said, that amount is way too high… in Sri Lanka. I must state that for that amount, brown people can feed a family of six a much larger meal. We’ve gotten so used to eating copious amounts of rice and curry that this would seem like a snack to most. Still… I can see another visit to the Manhattan Fish Market in my near future.

The Chocolate Room – 3/10
Even then, I only rate it a 3 because that Oven Roasted Chicken Sandwich was SUPER TASTY. Well it better have been… it took them 1 ½ hours to make. 90 minutes. 5,400 seconds. I ordered at 1:30 and got my food at 3 – I almost… almost… walked out. Honestly, I didn’t realize how long they had taken till like 2:50… my sis-in-law and I were DEEP in conversation.

My experience couldn’t have gone any worse… We started out with drinks; I ordered the Pinky Lemonade and Shaz got the Ferrero Rocher Shake. After about 15 minutes, I got a yellow drink. Confused, I asked my server if my ‘pinky’ lemonade was supposed to be yellow. Maybe it’s just me, but I prefer my pink lemonade, well, pink. No, it wasn’t supposed to yeller – instead he had made me a Piny Cooler - some concoction involving pineapples. I’m not a picky person, so I said it was ok, sucked it up and drank my pineapple drink. Honestly it tasted like pineapple cordial, which one can buy at any grocery store. Nothing special at all. Shaz’s shake was WAYYY to thick. If you can pick up your milkshake, turn over the glass, and not have anything spill, it is NOT A MILKSHAKE.  It was a frothy excuse for a shake that was so thick, you could choke drinking it.

We couldn’t be bothered with the drinks and went on to the main course – Shaz got the Oven Roasted Chicken Sandwich and I went with the Nachos Grande. I’m a sucker for nachos, and the only nachos that come close to yum in Sri Lanka are the loaded nachos on the menu of Café Che, but I thought ‘what the hell, let’s give them a chance’. Big mistake.

Here I was, expecting “a large platter of tortilla chips covered with roasted chicken, hearty beans, warm cheese, and diced tomatoes, jalapenos, olives, pickled gherkins, and sour cream”. What I got was 15 tortilla chips with a spoon of beans and congealed cheese. Where was my roasted chicken? Where are my jalapenos, people?! Again, the waiter had gotten my order mixed up and put me down for the Nachos Supreme… which is the crap I just described. Never order it.

This time, I couldn’t settle, so I pointed out their mistake expecting quick service. Oh, it was quick alright. He walked into that kitchen and then right back out with a bunch of shredded chicken just put on top. Not wanting to risk sending my food back in, I asked for my jalapenos, olives, and sour cream separately. I got olives and gherkins. I didn’t even want the gherkins.

Shaz’s sandwich was good. I can’t deny them that. Soft, crunchy bread filled with a roasted chicken mixture that was moist and filled with flavor. The sandwich alone is worth another trip to this place… I’ll just go at 1 pm and have dinner there, eventually.

With an additional order of french fries, our bill came to Rs. 2,000 or something. I don’t even remember.

Having stated all of this, I believe that this place runs well when you order their desserts and other chocolate related items. The shake should have been better, but I think the cakes and stuff might be worth a try. Don’t take that statement to heart though, I don’t know if they’ll just start mixing the batter once you place the order.

The Sandwich Factory – 7/10
Is it just me or has the service at Sandwich Factory gone down a bit? I’ve been going to this place since it opened way back when. I love all of the food except the burgers (Rs. 300 – Rs. 700)… there’s just too much masala in them to constitute as a burger but that’s completely my opinion and there’s nothing wrong with them otherwise.

They offer a Sri Lankan version of Taco Bell and I love it… quesadillas, taquitos, soft tacos… all so good.

All of that being stated, anyone notice the quality and service go down as of late? I wasn't in Sri Lanka last year, and I don’t know what happened, but when I went again recently, I wasn’t that happy. The guy behind the counter had his own issues going on and you could see it from the way he snapped at me when I asked if the peppermint shake (Rs. 360) was available. The guy who served the food kind of just threw my taquitos (Rs. 450) on the table and ignored my request for some napkins and ketchup. The taquitos were kind of oily and made me lose my appetite for them… don’t get me wrong, I ate them. But I had to squeeze it with a napkin first… lol. Zak and I shared an ice cream sandwich recently… the cookie was pretty hard, and in general the whole thing was just meh.

I really hope they get it together – it’s one of my fave places to go stuff my face and their menu is completely within anyone’s budget. Plus, it doesn't hurt that the owner is kind of fine.

Brown People Don't Tan

Isn't that a big ass King Coconut?

Hey home skillets!

What have you guys been up to? There isn't much in my world. Other than a day at the beach, it's been rather humdrum at the home-front. 

I've been kind of moody lately. Snapping at people, laying in bed all day watching Big Bang Theory (I bought seasons 1-6 and I don't think I'll stop till the very last episode.) nope, I haven't been much fun at all. I don't think there's one particular thing wrong - I'm just not happy with anything these past few days. It happens every once in a while; I get all moody and annoyed and Zak steers clear till the storm has passed. This time it's taking a lot longer than usual. Raar. I want change but I don't know in exactly what form, so how in the hell can I do something to feel better if I don't know what I want to do. I make sense in my head. Just ignore me and let me rant.

The day at the beach as super fun though. We had the beach to ourselves for the most part and I got to spend the day ocean side. I could stay at the beach forever. I should invest in waterfront property. I didn't get as 'burnt' this time around. Brown people don't tan, we burn. 

Isn't it beautiful, ya'll?

Flying Cockroaches... I shit you not.

Today, while attempting to make dinner for the family, I screamed in horror thrice. Thrice, I tell you. Once, because of a cockroach, the second time because of a gecko, and the third because of a frog. I might as well live in the fucking zoo people. These might not seem like reasons to scream, but let me explain.

Cockroaches in Sri Lanka aren't like the ones back home, small and annoying. These are terror-inflicting, HUGE, cockroaches that fly! They fly people - let's all take a moment to let that sink in. Here I was carrying my dinner goodies, and BHAM, flying cockroach right in front of me. I would have dropped everything and ran for life, but Zak would have killed me if I made him go out to buy eggs again. So I ran, with everything intact, and hid behind a wall while my YOUNGER sister-in-law, Zara, got rid of the evil monster with a broom. Poor child probably wonders what her brother sees in me...

My cockroach killer, 

and sister from another mister, Zara. 

Now confident that the cockroach is gone, I open the kitchen door, and SPLAT, a gecko that was probably on the door just fell smack down near my feet. Who would not yell?!? At this point, I'm thinking fuck it, let's order pizza. But Zak had really wanted club sandwiches and I feel that as his wife, the least I could do is make the dude a sandwich, since my cleaning and cooking skills are nonexistent. Again, let's move on...

So there I am frying my bacon when Zara comes into the kitchen and is all, "don't freak out, but there is a frog behind the sink." And of course, as soon as I heard her telling me not to freak out, I back away from the kitchen, matchbox in hand, just ready to burn the mother fucker down and blame Zak's need of a club sandwich. A frog the size of Texas is standing behind my sink, just staring me down.

"So, you're frying bacon? I like bacon. Ribbit bitch, ribbit." 

How the hell do you get rid of a frog? There I was waving my arms screaming "blusfbuighdfiugbkdfsjgbfuckyousidfugbkdsdsu" and dude wasn't even budging. I tried throwing things NEAR it, because though I didn't want it there, I didn't want it hurt either, but no such luck. Eventually, I went back to my stove and made the sandwiches while peering over my shoulder a billion times. He was still there half an hour later, his beady little eyes just watching my every move. 

This is why I don't cook. It's because our kitchen is a fucking zoo. 

On to another cockroach related story that occurred today. So my sister-in-laws and I were at tharawee prayers today; I can't explain what tharawee prayers are because I barely understand it myself, so Google people. Whilst praying, a person should be so concentrated on their prayer that they are not distracted by their surroundings. They shouldn't sing along in their heads to music videos playing on the TV in the other room, nor should they laugh uncontrollably at things they remembered which happened two days back at the grocery store. You get the point, don't get distracted, and don't let anything stop you from finishing. 

So there we were, right toward the end of the second rakhat when SMACK, I hear something land on the floor beside my sister-in-law, Shaba. I can tell there's something dark there but I can't be sure what it is since my eyes shouldn't wander. From the corner of my eye, I can see it crawling, and then I figure screw it - I need to know what that is. And as I take a sly peak, my eyes widen in horror and I'm immediately wondering whether God will forgive me if I skip out in the middle of prayer due to this. A cockroach, a FLYING cockroach, is three feet away from me and the only thing between me and the monster is my sister-in-law. I made a back up plan in my head - I love Shaba, but if the cockroach were to head toward me, I'd throw her at the cockroach so it would get distracted while I made a run for it. She'd understand, I think. 

And as soon as I said my salams, I was gone! I was behind the pillar, holding on to Zara as a shield/ sacrifice. Someone took care of it and prayers continued as normal, but for the rest of the night, I was  constantly on the look out. Stupid flying cockroach...

This, my friend, is a flying cockroach. It's about the size of your pinky finger. Would this not make you throw your loved ones as sacrifices while you made a run for it? Don't judge me.

Also, I stole that image off Google. No one reads my posts, but if this is your picture, I apologize and will take it down if you would like me to. 

Asshole. 

Note: I later realized that this post made Sri Lanka seem as if it was just brimming with cockroaches. This is actually not true. I see a cockroach once a month or so, and usually that's outside. So if you're planning on visiting Sri Lanka, don't let this post throw you off. One cockroach is so worth the billion other things this island offers. 

The time I was almost KILLED by an axe-wielding MURDERER

And by 'killed', I mean that he was the one who almost died, and by 'axe-wielding murderer', I mean a peeping tom. 

My bathroom has an itty-bitty window. I don't usually like the idea of having a window in the bathroom and I don't know why it was put there, but for Sri Lankan architecture, this isn't the most unusual thing I've seen. Moving on, behind said window is a tiny balcony, and by tiny, I mean that if I have a meal out there, it might take some time before I can turn around to come back in the house. Since all of this is on the second floor and the only thing visible from it is sky and the very top of my neighbors house, I never really bothered with putting curtains or taking any privacy measures. I'm not worried about birds watching me shower, though maybe I should be... Do you think birds would call their bird friends and be like, "Hey dude, check her out. She's showering. No, put down the worm, this is far better." 

Let's move on...

When I initially moved in, there were numerous occasions where I scared myself shitless going in to the bathroom at night. (Pun intended.) The bright lights would cause me to holler out and get in to a kung-fu ninja pose as I saw my own reflection in the window. Over the years, Zak and I have become used to it, and stopped training for our black belt in the bathroom. Until that one awful night...

It's two am. I had been doing some work in the home office and Zak had just returned from a night out with the boys. Going through our nightly ritual, the both of us headed toward the bathroom NEKKID AS A NEWBORN BABY. As we brush our teeth, I notice Zak looking at the window and then back at the mirror. Again, he looks at the window, and at this point, I was all "WTF are you doing? Either brush your teeth or back away from the sink fool!" And that's when I noticed a man at our mutha fuckin window. A man, y'all. Not our reflections, but a grown ass man. And it was around that time that I screamed bloody murder. My reaction seemed to set the peeping tom off, because as he realized that I saw him, his eyes widened and I saw him struggle. The fool must have thought we had reverse tinted windows or some shit, because to be at the angle he was, he had to have stood on the balcony rail, to PLASTER his face to our window. 

 

I continued to stand in the middle of my bathroom, goodies on display, wielding a toothbrush with toothpaste frothing at my mouth, screaming bloody murder. I admit, not one of my finest moments. I realize that Zak was doing something, but I wouldn't be able to tell you what if my life depended on it. As we ran downstairs, with clothes on (just to clarify), my sister in laws came running out of their room. They had heard the initial screaming but decided that I was probably screaming at the sight of a dead cockroach. No one takes me seriously anymore, but that's another blog post. "It was a man!", I yelled. "A REAL MAN!" They all turned to Zak to confirm - again lets reiterate that I am not taken seriously in this house. Cautiously opening the backdoor armed with mace, a cricket bat*, and a cell phone, we realized we were too late and that the peeping bastard (no longer referred to as 'Tom'), had gotten away by breaking our pipes and falling over the neighbor's wall. Had we had crappier pipes, he would have fallen to his death at our (back) door step. Maybe not death - how high up does a person have to be to die from a fall? Moving on...

The very next day, Zak came home with some sort of window-boarding-up device that not only keeps away wandering eyes, but no longer allows me to open up the window and let some sunshine and fresh air in. I now call it the window of death. I think the birds don't like the new window either; I saw a flock of them lined up behind my house a couple of days later protesting, or they might have been eyeing my open trash can. I'm not sure. 

The lesson here is that someone should create toothbrushes with mace sprays on the bottom. This might lead to a few terribly embarrassing emergency room stories, but in my case, they would be worth it! 

* For those who got confused at the words 'cricket bat', I like to explain it as an Asian baseball bat. It's flat rather than round, but it serves the same purpose. And the men swinging them professionally wear tight pants too, so everything's ok. 

Picture of the now boarded up window that keeps away prying eyes, birds and clouds. Oh, and my reflection and something hanging on my bathroom door.