A Motherless Me

After twenty six years of having my mother around to talk to, and to guide me, she is no longer here. Sometimes, I feel like nothing has changed and at other times, I feel like nothing is the same. It's only been a month since she died, and though it was a long time coming and we were all prepared for it, it kind of took us by shock.

For those who knew my mother, you probably remember her as the first one on the dance floor or as the woman who wouldn't let you leave without eating something. She was a good woman, and though she had her moments, she had a kind heart. 

My mother once travelled from Sri Lanka to America and when I asked her about her flight, she reported nothing out of the usual. It was the same 24+ hour journey with boring transits and never ending line of movies. A couple of months later, when she was back in Sri Lanka, a group of guys came to visit her. All in their 20s to 30s, I wondered how the heck they knew mom and what they were doing in my house. Turns out, this woman was in transit in Dubai and came across this bunch of random guys. They told her how they paid tons of cash to get a chance to work abroad and have no been stuck in the airport for days without food, since no one has picked them up. My mother then took this bunch to McDonald's and fed them, without ever knowing who they were or with no plan to ever see them again. Nonetheless, they came searching for her once they came back to Sri Lanka. 

On another occasion, I walked in on my mother on the phone. She was telling who ever was on the line how there was a terrible flu going around and how they should either visit a doctor or get some good medication. The conversation continued for a good ten minutes about local holidays and other randomness, and then she says "So the cab will be here soon?" She had been on the phone with the Taxi operator. The man was terribly sad when he heard that my mother passed away and to this day, refers to my address as "Sharifa miss ge gedera." (Miss Sharifa's home.) 

I miss the way we would lay for hours and chat. I miss the way she yelled at me for doing something stupid. 

I miss her. 

Marriage? Kids? Life...

Next Tuesday, February 29th 2012, I will have been married for four years.

I sat there thinking about this yesterday and I am absolutely amazed. Not at the fact that we actually made it four years - but the fact that our life is almost exactly as it was when we first got married. It's amazing and knock on wood, but we're still as much in love as we were back then. We still have date nights often and we're just as crazy over each other. It made me wonder whether this was normal - you always hear about the 7 year honeymoon and how things change after that so maybe I'm still in the normal phase. lol. As of March 25th, we would have been together for 6 years... it's crazy.

I think one of the major reasons we're not at each others throats and we are how we are is because we don't have children. I can't seem to figure out whether children would make things better or worse. I mean, there are times when I look at other people's kids and I seriously want one. I was so phased at one point, I actually thought of names and ways to handle random situations - yeah, it's a bit crazy. Then other times, I feel that kids are cute at the time but then there's the lack of sleep, the restriction on going out when and where ever we want, the actual responsibility of raising another human being - and I'm happy to be exactly as I am.

You see these families that just bring kids into the world unprepared and leave it all to God taking care of it. I understand that in a way but I still think its completely ridiculous to rely on something like that. You need to be emotionally and financially prepared to have a kid - those little monkeys are expensive and they shouldn't live a half-assed life just because adults decide to have them without thinking. Some people make me so angry - they have this beautiful little kid and they don't take care of them properly - i hate to say it, but I don't think they should have kids at all.

Coughing Up Cancer...

All of a sudden everyone has cancer... when did it become so normal for people to have cancer. Brain cancer, breast cancer, lung cancer... cough a little? It's cancer! Not that I'm that old, but when I was younger, it was very rare to know someone who had cancer and now, everyone's got it!

Two months back an aunt died, last month an uncle was admitted to the cancer hospital, last week, news is that Yuvraj Singh (Indian cricketer) is in the US getting treated for some sort of rare cancer and tomorrow, Mom is having a mastectomy. I don't know how exactly I feel about that just yet - in our house it's still jokes and smiles; we never make anything out to be a big deal. And because I don't want mom down and stressing, I don't want to talk to her about how she feels either. It's just easier for all of us to make jokes and smile it off like it isn't actually a big deal. "Losing a breast? No problem! You can order another one just like it!"

Oif - and there's this selfish part of me that wishes I wasn't here to actually witness the aftermath of it all. I know it's a terrible thing to think but the whole "out of sight, out of mind" would have helped... me.

A while back I read this crazy story where a woman actually coughed up her cancer... - http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/01/11/woman-coughs-up-cancer-tumour_n_1198862.html